A
Well, the church burned down and no one knew
         D
What the Pentecost Baptists was gonna do
    A
The Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot
   E
It burned up a church bus in the parkin' lot
     A
In a panic the reverend Dr. White
D
Called up an ex-member than hadn't lived right
   A
He owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence
         E
It's the same Joe's he'd preached against

[Verse 2]
          A
He said I don't really want to be a hypocrite
        D
I got a Sunday school class that's about to s**t
          A
We're all excited about revival week
    E
And moved by the spirit so to speak
             A
With all the souls we saved and the money we spent
   D
We thought God told us to sell that tent
        A
I got a famous evangelist supposed to come
         E
And done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?

[Verse 3]
         A
Joe says hell you can just use the whole dang place
D
A9 on the jukebox "Amazing Grace"
        A
I ain't supposed to open because of them blue laws
          E
But we'll open tonight if it's alright with y'all
              A
Preacher said well I reckon that'd be OK
    D
The good Lord works in mysterious ways
            A
I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth
      E
And I reckon I can do it from the DJ booth

[Chorus 1]
       A
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
         D
It's the only church in the bible belt that
E
smells like a whiskey still
         A
When the sinners finish one more round
D
We'll have dinner on the ground
    A             E
And go inside and hell [pause]
                  A
pray we don't get killed

[Verse 4]
    A
The Evangelist came with a well-dressed choir
     D
They showed up around happy hour
A
Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well
         E
said the White ministry has gone to hell
A
Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school
        D
And two deacons in the back room shootin' pool
     A
Were sharin' the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
        E
Who was teachin' Ms. Mills some line dance steps

[Verse 5]
         A
Reverend White was readin' from the book of Luke
     D
To a tall, drunk trucker about to puke
        A
He had John 3:16 memorized
          E
Tryin' to dry him out to get him baptised
     A
The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer
     D
Said White you can't save any souls in here
     A
This place ain't nothin' but a den of sin
          E
Ain't the kind of place Baptists ought to be in
              A
Preacher said well we don't really need y'all here
    D
You didn't do a very good job last year
     A
Only saved one sinner, that's Todd McGuire
             E
And he's the little son of a b***h that set my church on fire
      A
Joe's beer joint has done been revived
     D
Only been here an hour and I done saved five.
A
Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor
      E
But I finally found the flock God called me for.

[Chorus 2]
       A
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
         D
It's the only church in the bible belt
     E
that smells like a whiskey still
      A
Not a stained glass window anywhere in site,
       D
Just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,
        A               E
And the communion wine    [PAUSE]
          A
is always chilled.

[Verse 6]
      A
We're here every Sunday;  We're livin' large;
          D
We're the only church with a cover charge.
           A
And if you don't like our doctrine
                           E
and think we ain't devout,   [PAUSE]

We'll have our bouncer throw your butt out …
       A             D   E     A
Of the First Baptist Bar   and Grill